I have never aspired to be anything great in my life; as all little kids do I had things I wanted to be when I grew up. Those things changed every other day, and even as I got older I had absolutely NO idea what I wanted to 'be'. Being very creative minded, I was constantly coming up with new ideas but I would never stick to those thoughts for very long. I become very easily bored with things and always wanted something new and exciting! There was, however, one thing that I always, always wanted to be and I played it nearly every day as a little girl. That was being a mom.
I had my own little house equipped with baby dolls, a stove, fake food, and all that was needed to run a household. I innocently called it my "compartment" (rather than apartment) and I would take my dolls for walks and carefully dress them up. One day I even buried one in a plastic bag to "keep her warm" much to my parents amusement.
Now at 22 years of age I am no longer merely playing house, it is very much a reality! Being a mommy is something I could only ever pretend and dream about my entire childhood. I really don't know why I had such a strong desire to be a mom all growing up. It may be that I had a great adoptive mother myself, who stayed home with us, schooled us, and loved us unconditionally. I no longer have to hold a plastic doll with eyes that only open and close if you make them; I have the absolute privilege of holding my own sweet baby girl Tenley!
I never knew it would be possible to love someone so much. Of course I am head over heels in love with my amazing husband and best friend but loving a child is so different. Having been adopted myself, I never had a real mother-daughter bond which makes my relationship with Tenley that much more special. I generally have difficulty becoming attached to others but it has been so natural with Tenley. It brings me such joy to make her laugh and to be needed by her.
In short, I LOVE being a mom. At times it can feel like I'm not good enough because I don't get awards or accolades from others. But their approval shouldn't matter. What should matter is that I am doing my absolute BEST to raise a smart, BEAUTIFUL, independent, young lady! I know in my heart that I am a good mom, and I am so incredibly thankful that I have the honor of being Tenley's mommy everyday. Yes, it saddens me to think that my own birth mom did not make the choice to keep me. Being painfully aware of everything she missed in my childhood makes me appreciate being able to watch my little lady grow up. I've gotten to enjoy her first steps, see her own little sense of humor emerge, and cherish the little "kisses" she gives us. Such a gift!
So to all the moms that read this: if you're tired from sleepless nights, sick of seeing your house strewn with toys, or annoyed at the child constantly pulling on you just remember. Remember that we are BLESSED to love these little munchkins and remember that many women like my birth mother didn't even really have the chance to.
Blessings to all
Esther
